Nakakabagot sa Psychiatry. Inuulcer pa rin ako sa sobrang pagkabato. Pero astig, kagabi lang ako nakakita ng schizo in action. May nakikita raw siyang dwende at 2 anino. Lagi raw tinutusok yung liver niya chaka binabali buto niya. Tapos lagi rin siyang hinihiritan at inuutusan.
Eg. Marco the intern: Kuya,nanood ka ba nung bagong laban ni Pacquiao? San yun ginawa?
Schizo the patient: Sa Araneta!
Marco: Very good!
Schizo the patient: Ay hindi, sabi nila sa Cuneta Astrodome. Pinagtawanan tuloy nila ako...
Nyaahaaay!
Nainggit ako for 10 seconds. Gusto ko rin sana makakita ng kakaiba. Hehe, kakabagot na kasi talaga e...
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Status: From ER
I just woke up from a bad sleep. Bad meaning, the weather was too hot, and it was the shallow kind that only lasted 2 measly hours. I was not refreshed at all, considering I was dead tired from working at the emergency room. And it's so important for me to time my sleep properly because I don't have much time scheduled for rest. Normally it would be easier to just go into a grumpy mode and rant about how unfair life can be and all that. Internship takes so much of you -- it makes you want to scream out loud in frustration and fatigue or just simply give up because you're like a candle that's wasting away in the thick, dark dreary world of sickness and yes, death. And you feel that that small emanating light coming from you just doesn't make a difference. And then you'd doubt your destiny and realize that the world doesn't need you and you don't need this. Right now, it takes tremendous effort to stop feeling that way.
My friend Mij said that the only way to cope with this new way of life is to realize that it is now your normal way of life. My friend RJ calls it being "in the zone", yung hindi mo tinotoxic yung sarili mo when you're placed in an inherently toxic situation. And it's true. Ordinary to me now means dealing with a person who is caught between life and death. Or having to prick someone's arm 5 times to get to the right vein. Or getting bawled at by a husband who's wife is dying of cancer. Or having to touch someone's urine or feces or blood, not knowing what interesting organisms reside in them.Or getting the third degree from a doctor who thinks you're the stupidest animal alive. Or being denied the most basic of needs like weekends off, a bath, sleep or the chance to see how the outside world looks like during the day. I'm starting to feel like the adjustment phase is drawing to a close and in a matter of months, I'm so different from the person I was before -- more mature, more selfless, and ironically, happier than ever. It feels like some journey in which you're just excited about the flowers that you smell along the way and the destination that seems so far off is just some uninteresting little blur. God, I honestly love my life right now. I wouldn't have it any other way.
My friend Mij said that the only way to cope with this new way of life is to realize that it is now your normal way of life. My friend RJ calls it being "in the zone", yung hindi mo tinotoxic yung sarili mo when you're placed in an inherently toxic situation. And it's true. Ordinary to me now means dealing with a person who is caught between life and death. Or having to prick someone's arm 5 times to get to the right vein. Or getting bawled at by a husband who's wife is dying of cancer. Or having to touch someone's urine or feces or blood, not knowing what interesting organisms reside in them.Or getting the third degree from a doctor who thinks you're the stupidest animal alive. Or being denied the most basic of needs like weekends off, a bath, sleep or the chance to see how the outside world looks like during the day. I'm starting to feel like the adjustment phase is drawing to a close and in a matter of months, I'm so different from the person I was before -- more mature, more selfless, and ironically, happier than ever. It feels like some journey in which you're just excited about the flowers that you smell along the way and the destination that seems so far off is just some uninteresting little blur. God, I honestly love my life right now. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Unang Buwan
April 23, 2006
I was deep in dreamless microsleep when Mike jolted me awake, "Huy, may pasyente ka sa CRM." And in a second I sprinted off to the OB-Gyne ward consultation room with stet, bp apparatus and logbook in tow. As I passed through the door, holy crap! All I could see was red. Red, thick blood flowing profusely down the patient's legs. Oh crap talaga. This is definitely another admission. She just gave birth last week, was discharged with a bill of clean health and was given a typewritten prescription of antibiotics. Apparently, she didn't take them because Co-Amoxiclav was not as important as, say, her new baby's formula or her family's meager food budget. So she went on to acquire endometritis which can only be managed with confinement (which was free), lab exams (P350 for a transvaginal ultrasound, P100 each for CBC and urinalysis), stronger antibiotics (which cost P3,000-5,000 per day), blood transfusion and lots of IV fluids. After our resident enumerated each expense, we all found ourselves staring at the blood droplets on the floor in deep miserable silence. The husband sat on the floor with one hand across his face. The patient smothered her face with a blood stained hospital blanket, in an attempt to hide her tears. I, on the other hand, was thinking, God, I can't help them! The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness was choking me like a vise.The resident was most likely thinking the same thing. After sorting all possibilities, they decided to try out a government hospital. With all the blood cleaned out and a fresh new adult diaper, the patient was wheeled off with a referral slip, which she'd probably won't use anyway...because in the middle of the way they'd think, this thing would just go away, like a cold or a rash. And they'd go home and forget the whole night ever happened. They'd forget about the P5000 buck expense that they were supposed to shoulder and postpone worrying about a worse scenario than this, like maybe, hypotensive or septic shock. After they left, I collected all my stuff: my stet, bp app and logbook and closed the CRM door. It's quite easy actually to just pick up from where you left off, and wake up to a future that was as bright as the morning sun. Which makes me a little guilty of course. But perhaps the thing that will forever stick to me is that no matter how much you try, you can't save everyone. But you will save some of them, and in some way make their lives a little better...and that should be enough.
April 26, 2006
Venoclysis, a.k.a. blood extraction, a.k.a. one of the top reasons why people hate doctors. Also one of the reasons why I hate being less than a doctor. It's not because it makes me feel yuck, I mean, hello, I've seen worse, like a retracted abdomen filled with warm blood and pelvic innards (as in parang isang giant kaldero ng dinuguang di pa luto). Aaaanywaaaays...I just hate it that I'm not infallibly good at it yet. And what makes things worse is that mas lalo ka pang nang-hahassle ng mga taong uber-agrabyado na in the first place. Like yesterday when I woke up this cancer patient at 6am for an order for a white blood cell differential count. She just had surgery the other day. Blow #1: For a couple of months, she thought she was pregnant but it turned out that she only had this pathologic "sago-like" stuff in her uterus called hydatidiform mole which makes your belly swell up, like you're pregnant and gives a positive result in a pregnancy test. Blow #2: A hormone called bHcg was found to be elevated in her blood so she might even have choriocarcinoma, a kind of cancer that is a sequelae of H. mole. So stress diba. And because of some stroke of bad luck, I just happened to be horribly incompetent at that certain point in time. Ginawa ko lang naman siyang pin cushion. I pricked her 3 times because her circulation defied the forces of nature. Even if you go for the biggest pulsating vein, her blood simply refused to flow. Joemal did 2 more pricks. God, buti nalang kaya pa niyang ngumiti in between shrieks of anguish. Deep inside I was wishing for this huge mallet, like the one you see in Looney Toons shows, to hit me on the head a couple of times just to make things even. Pero wala eh, so binigyan nalang namin siya ng pandesal. Na walang palaman. Hehe, stress!
April 30, 2006
OB-Gyne Ward rotation is over! Parang hanging umihip lang sa mukha mo ng ilang segundo. Parang isang lagok ng kape na dumaplis sa lalamunan mo. Parang splitsecond na tisod sa isang maliit na butas sa kalsada. Parang isang mumunting sampal sa braso pag may langaw na dumapo. Akala mo kasi minsan ang parusa ay magpakailanman kaya madalas kinakatakutan o iniiwasan. Eh sandali lang naman e. Bukas at bukas rin, mababaon ang lahat sa limot ngunit matitira ang ikaw na iba na sa taong nakagisnan kahapon.
I was deep in dreamless microsleep when Mike jolted me awake, "Huy, may pasyente ka sa CRM." And in a second I sprinted off to the OB-Gyne ward consultation room with stet, bp apparatus and logbook in tow. As I passed through the door, holy crap! All I could see was red. Red, thick blood flowing profusely down the patient's legs. Oh crap talaga. This is definitely another admission. She just gave birth last week, was discharged with a bill of clean health and was given a typewritten prescription of antibiotics. Apparently, she didn't take them because Co-Amoxiclav was not as important as, say, her new baby's formula or her family's meager food budget. So she went on to acquire endometritis which can only be managed with confinement (which was free), lab exams (P350 for a transvaginal ultrasound, P100 each for CBC and urinalysis), stronger antibiotics (which cost P3,000-5,000 per day), blood transfusion and lots of IV fluids. After our resident enumerated each expense, we all found ourselves staring at the blood droplets on the floor in deep miserable silence. The husband sat on the floor with one hand across his face. The patient smothered her face with a blood stained hospital blanket, in an attempt to hide her tears. I, on the other hand, was thinking, God, I can't help them! The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness was choking me like a vise.The resident was most likely thinking the same thing. After sorting all possibilities, they decided to try out a government hospital. With all the blood cleaned out and a fresh new adult diaper, the patient was wheeled off with a referral slip, which she'd probably won't use anyway...because in the middle of the way they'd think, this thing would just go away, like a cold or a rash. And they'd go home and forget the whole night ever happened. They'd forget about the P5000 buck expense that they were supposed to shoulder and postpone worrying about a worse scenario than this, like maybe, hypotensive or septic shock. After they left, I collected all my stuff: my stet, bp app and logbook and closed the CRM door. It's quite easy actually to just pick up from where you left off, and wake up to a future that was as bright as the morning sun. Which makes me a little guilty of course. But perhaps the thing that will forever stick to me is that no matter how much you try, you can't save everyone. But you will save some of them, and in some way make their lives a little better...and that should be enough.
April 26, 2006
Venoclysis, a.k.a. blood extraction, a.k.a. one of the top reasons why people hate doctors. Also one of the reasons why I hate being less than a doctor. It's not because it makes me feel yuck, I mean, hello, I've seen worse, like a retracted abdomen filled with warm blood and pelvic innards (as in parang isang giant kaldero ng dinuguang di pa luto). Aaaanywaaaays...I just hate it that I'm not infallibly good at it yet. And what makes things worse is that mas lalo ka pang nang-hahassle ng mga taong uber-agrabyado na in the first place. Like yesterday when I woke up this cancer patient at 6am for an order for a white blood cell differential count. She just had surgery the other day. Blow #1: For a couple of months, she thought she was pregnant but it turned out that she only had this pathologic "sago-like" stuff in her uterus called hydatidiform mole which makes your belly swell up, like you're pregnant and gives a positive result in a pregnancy test. Blow #2: A hormone called bHcg was found to be elevated in her blood so she might even have choriocarcinoma, a kind of cancer that is a sequelae of H. mole. So stress diba. And because of some stroke of bad luck, I just happened to be horribly incompetent at that certain point in time. Ginawa ko lang naman siyang pin cushion. I pricked her 3 times because her circulation defied the forces of nature. Even if you go for the biggest pulsating vein, her blood simply refused to flow. Joemal did 2 more pricks. God, buti nalang kaya pa niyang ngumiti in between shrieks of anguish. Deep inside I was wishing for this huge mallet, like the one you see in Looney Toons shows, to hit me on the head a couple of times just to make things even. Pero wala eh, so binigyan nalang namin siya ng pandesal. Na walang palaman. Hehe, stress!
April 30, 2006
OB-Gyne Ward rotation is over! Parang hanging umihip lang sa mukha mo ng ilang segundo. Parang isang lagok ng kape na dumaplis sa lalamunan mo. Parang splitsecond na tisod sa isang maliit na butas sa kalsada. Parang isang mumunting sampal sa braso pag may langaw na dumapo. Akala mo kasi minsan ang parusa ay magpakailanman kaya madalas kinakatakutan o iniiwasan. Eh sandali lang naman e. Bukas at bukas rin, mababaon ang lahat sa limot ngunit matitira ang ikaw na iba na sa taong nakagisnan kahapon.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Divine Intervention
Grabe ang araw na to! Intense! So as you already know, I've already wasted 3 days of my vacation making tambay in UERM Hospital for nothing. I was searching for a pedia teacher who apparently does not even work in UERM! Damn you stupid secretary, bat ngayon mo lang sinabi sakin na sa Capitol pala nagtatrabaho si Dr. Panlilio!!!
So anyways, I called up her clinic and after the third call, she says na SHE CAN'T FREAKIN REMEMBER ME AND WALA SIYANG ALAM ABOUT SOME INCOMPLETE GRADE and to kindly talk to the department head instead. So ayuuun, I sniffled (as in tears in my eyes and sipon in my nose) in the middle of the hospital lobby because I was lost, dumbfounded and extremely tired. (Hindi pala enough sustenance ang longsilog). And as expected, pinagpasa-pasahan ako ng mga teachers --> from Dr. Pedro to Dr. Battad to Dr. Carlos (Dra. Carlos thanks for being sooooo nice!!!). And so at 2pm, I was sitting on some bench, staring into space and here comes Joke. Hay nako Joke! You are the hero of the day! He accompanied me to Capitol Medical (of course Dr. Panlilio disappeared in thin air. Ganon talaga pag minamalas). He gave me advice about writing the school and all that. Actually walang naresolve but the fact that he was just there cheered me up a lot and pushed my mental gears back to work. So yun eventually, yung mga residents nalang ang sumalo ng trabaho so I'm now free to go to Cebu tomorrow! Woohoo! Oh yeah, thanks Dr. Karl and Dr. Jangail for helping (may silbi rin pala kayo...peace bros!:) )
And of course, everything fell into place as the evening drew to a close. I ate yummy barbecue with lots of "taba". I had a good, non-violent evaluation meeting with my sorority (I shall miss you, my children! mwah mwah!). I went home, soaked myself in the bathtub for an hour with a dilapidated Reader's Digest, and a few minutes from now, bibigyan ko ng third degree ang manliligaw ni ate. Hehehe!
Thank you God for this day:)
So anyways, I called up her clinic and after the third call, she says na SHE CAN'T FREAKIN REMEMBER ME AND WALA SIYANG ALAM ABOUT SOME INCOMPLETE GRADE and to kindly talk to the department head instead. So ayuuun, I sniffled (as in tears in my eyes and sipon in my nose) in the middle of the hospital lobby because I was lost, dumbfounded and extremely tired. (Hindi pala enough sustenance ang longsilog). And as expected, pinagpasa-pasahan ako ng mga teachers --> from Dr. Pedro to Dr. Battad to Dr. Carlos (Dra. Carlos thanks for being sooooo nice!!!). And so at 2pm, I was sitting on some bench, staring into space and here comes Joke. Hay nako Joke! You are the hero of the day! He accompanied me to Capitol Medical (of course Dr. Panlilio disappeared in thin air. Ganon talaga pag minamalas). He gave me advice about writing the school and all that. Actually walang naresolve but the fact that he was just there cheered me up a lot and pushed my mental gears back to work. So yun eventually, yung mga residents nalang ang sumalo ng trabaho so I'm now free to go to Cebu tomorrow! Woohoo! Oh yeah, thanks Dr. Karl and Dr. Jangail for helping (may silbi rin pala kayo...peace bros!:) )
And of course, everything fell into place as the evening drew to a close. I ate yummy barbecue with lots of "taba". I had a good, non-violent evaluation meeting with my sorority (I shall miss you, my children! mwah mwah!). I went home, soaked myself in the bathtub for an hour with a dilapidated Reader's Digest, and a few minutes from now, bibigyan ko ng third degree ang manliligaw ni ate. Hehehe!
Thank you God for this day:)
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Freedom Day #2
Hmph, I was just rejoicing the other day that I'm never going to wear my yucky, oversized med school uniform but no, yesterday, at least 8 people texted me "Uy, pumunta ka sa office ni Dr. Pedro. Incomplete ka daw sa Patient-Doctor." Poof! Babay beaching in front of the TV for the whole day. So I made the dreary exodus to UERM this morning, waited for Miharu for 45 mins., waited for Dr. Pedro for 30 mins, waited for Dr. Espaldon for another 30 mins... only to find out that some absent-minded old pediatrician forgot to send in my grade. So...phooey, phooey, phooey, I have to go back to school tomorrow and scour the hospital grounds for that doctor who may or may not be working tomorrow. Yahoo. This is what you get for working too hard...extra hard work at exactly the time when you don't need it.
Pero ok lang. Dada and I hung out at Gateway and talked about life and why God just had to make every male as dense as the black hole. We opted not to watch a movie for now because everything sucks and the only one worth watching (because Heath Ledger is in it) is gonna be shown in the evening pa. So we just whiled away our afternoon, wasting our parents' money on white shoes, bags and too many socks. Hahahaha! Belinda ha, fun ka talaga:D Hindi ba't masyado tayong excited? Internship here we come!
Pero ok lang. Dada and I hung out at Gateway and talked about life and why God just had to make every male as dense as the black hole. We opted not to watch a movie for now because everything sucks and the only one worth watching (because Heath Ledger is in it) is gonna be shown in the evening pa. So we just whiled away our afternoon, wasting our parents' money on white shoes, bags and too many socks. Hahahaha! Belinda ha, fun ka talaga:D Hindi ba't masyado tayong excited? Internship here we come!
Friday, March 03, 2006
Goodbye Med school, Hello World
I woke up this morning feeling confused and hungry. I couldn't remember my dream but I'm guessing it has something to do with being stuck in a desert and saying "Agua, agua..." over and over. Stupid Jarhead trailer.
So anyways, a couple of seconds later I instantly felt a gurgling, diarrhea-like feeling in my stomach, like when you're faced with a pseudo-Armaggedon-like situation, such as your Philo 104 orals, or when you're about to interview for your first job. Today I had the last lecture of my scholastic life and it's so sad. Because that means I have to be an adult again with real world responsibilities. Like I'm gonna be exposed nakedly in front of our critical society and my abilities would be measured against a standard as high as Mt. Everest.
God, in a few weeks I'll be literally holding one's life in my hands. Medicine is such a scary frontier. You simply cannot be less than brilliant or vigilant, or else you and a bunch of sick people are gonna suffer the consequences. And I can just imagine consultants in my head, dressed in Borg-like attire saying, "Fun is irrelevant. Your social life is irrelevant. Food is irrelevant. Sleep is irrelevant. You are irrelevant. Only the consultants matter." Jeez.
I wish I could jump back into my mother's womb. I wish I could go back to being cosmic dust or be one with the Great Light or whatever those shamans or tribe priests call it. I don't know. It's just that the real world just makes me feel so small...
So anyways, a couple of seconds later I instantly felt a gurgling, diarrhea-like feeling in my stomach, like when you're faced with a pseudo-Armaggedon-like situation, such as your Philo 104 orals, or when you're about to interview for your first job. Today I had the last lecture of my scholastic life and it's so sad. Because that means I have to be an adult again with real world responsibilities. Like I'm gonna be exposed nakedly in front of our critical society and my abilities would be measured against a standard as high as Mt. Everest.
God, in a few weeks I'll be literally holding one's life in my hands. Medicine is such a scary frontier. You simply cannot be less than brilliant or vigilant, or else you and a bunch of sick people are gonna suffer the consequences. And I can just imagine consultants in my head, dressed in Borg-like attire saying, "Fun is irrelevant. Your social life is irrelevant. Food is irrelevant. Sleep is irrelevant. You are irrelevant. Only the consultants matter." Jeez.
I wish I could jump back into my mother's womb. I wish I could go back to being cosmic dust or be one with the Great Light or whatever those shamans or tribe priests call it. I don't know. It's just that the real world just makes me feel so small...
Monday, February 27, 2006
Strange Siblings
Don't you sometimes think that you're stuck with the strangest family in the world. I, on my part, will not be the least bit surprised if I learn that I come from some oddball alien race. Grabe, my siblings are such fools. Allow me to elaborate...
Diba we usually greet each other with a nod or "uy!". But no, pano kami nagbabatian? Imagine this, you just woke up early in the morning and you're sitting on your bed. The door opens, papasok ang kapatid mo and lalapit until he/she is 4 feet away from you. At biglang sasayawan ka niya! Complete with serious face ha. Putek, whatdahell??!! Recently booty-dancing ang ginagawa ni Nikki. At malaki ang butt niya to boot. Takte nakakadisorient! What's up with this family?? Are we drugs?? Yes we are!
And the creepy thing is...Justin seems to have the same disease. Grabe to the tune pa of "Together Forever" by Rick Astley...
Hehe, mahirap talagang hindi maging masaya:)
Diba we usually greet each other with a nod or "uy!". But no, pano kami nagbabatian? Imagine this, you just woke up early in the morning and you're sitting on your bed. The door opens, papasok ang kapatid mo and lalapit until he/she is 4 feet away from you. At biglang sasayawan ka niya! Complete with serious face ha. Putek, whatdahell??!! Recently booty-dancing ang ginagawa ni Nikki. At malaki ang butt niya to boot. Takte nakakadisorient! What's up with this family?? Are we drugs?? Yes we are!
And the creepy thing is...Justin seems to have the same disease. Grabe to the tune pa of "Together Forever" by Rick Astley...
Hehe, mahirap talagang hindi maging masaya:)
Friday, February 24, 2006
Walang Pasok
It's kinda selfish actually, to feel utterly joyful about not having classes today when a few thousand people are out there worrying about their lives and the state of our country and everything. And the sadder truth is, I've always been in denial of everything that's going on. I've always been repulsed with politics. I don't care squat about the economy. To me, politics is just a topic for a 5 minute small talk. "Grabe ang mahal ng pagkain. Grabe dati P59 lang ang chicken meal sa KFC, ngayon P78 na!" I can truthfully say that this is because I'm such a freakin' idealist, thinking that the world is still half-populated by saints and I always want to feel safe. And safe for me is going to school and sleep in lectures, or going out for coffee or surfing the net and reading blogs. Med school is like this poor attempt to make amends with the world I've turned my back to. Like, I know you're stuck in this mess of bad politicians and poverty but it's ok because I will serve you some day. Do I really mean what I say? Am I really gonna use my heart and my hands for those who need them the most? Or am I just secretly harboring this desire for comfort and wealth that a surgeon is bound to have? God, I'm such a fake sometimes. I wish I had real principles.Really.
Accckkk!!!! My almost naked picture from the Heat Stroke fashion show is posted in school! Oh my God!!! UE Scandal! Hahahaha those were really good memories. I loved the feeling of being beautiful even for just a couple of hours. Yep I did look good I must admit. Hot actually. Kelangan ko na mag diet ano ba! I need to bring that hot bod back!!!!
Accckkk!!!! My almost naked picture from the Heat Stroke fashion show is posted in school! Oh my God!!! UE Scandal! Hahahaha those were really good memories. I loved the feeling of being beautiful even for just a couple of hours. Yep I did look good I must admit. Hot actually. Kelangan ko na mag diet ano ba! I need to bring that hot bod back!!!!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Bodge
Please be as honest as you can. Di tulad nung mga nagsulat na trustworthy si Zab. Hwehehehe!
Please be as honest as you can. Di tulad nung mga nagsulat na trustworthy si Zab. Hwehehehe!
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