Goodbye Med school, Hello World

I woke up this morning feeling confused and hungry. I couldn't remember my dream but I'm guessing it has something to do with being stuck in a desert and saying "Agua, agua..." over and over. Stupid Jarhead trailer.

So anyways, a couple of seconds later I instantly felt a gurgling, diarrhea-like feeling in my stomach, like when you're faced with a pseudo-Armaggedon-like situation, such as your Philo 104 orals, or when you're about to interview for your first job. Today I had the last lecture of my scholastic life and it's so sad. Because that means I have to be an adult again with real world responsibilities. Like I'm gonna be exposed nakedly in front of our critical society and my abilities would be measured against a standard as high as Mt. Everest.

God, in a few weeks I'll be literally holding one's life in my hands. Medicine is such a scary frontier. You simply cannot be less than brilliant or vigilant, or else you and a bunch of sick people are gonna suffer the consequences. And I can just imagine consultants in my head, dressed in Borg-like attire saying, "Fun is irrelevant. Your social life is irrelevant. Food is irrelevant. Sleep is irrelevant. You are irrelevant. Only the consultants matter." Jeez.

I wish I could jump back into my mother's womb. I wish I could go back to being cosmic dust or be one with the Great Light or whatever those shamans or tribe priests call it. I don't know. It's just that the real world just makes me feel so small...