It happens about a few times a year when I feel like this really old tire under a really huge truck that's driving through this deserted highway under the scorching, blistering heat, that suddenly..."BOOM"! Just bursts and loses...life? Meaning? Initiative? Maybe, but today, just for today, I feel sad and empty. I want to feel sad and empty. I want to wallow in it. If there was such a thing as a sad and empty pool, I'd like to bathe in it with my clothes on and drink it in till my lungs burst.
I think I've always had this certain aura that emanates "I don't have any problems! I'm normal." I just wish sometimes that people won't be deceived because I do. Crippling ones. Hehe pero syempre if people would ask, I'd deny having them because being a free spirit (what Maggots calls me) is safer and less complicated. And I wouldn't want to add to the world's emotional garbage. It has enough problems of its own. I can only think of 2 people who I can talk just about anything with. Just is one. And the other is on her way to the States for journalism school next year. Argh!!! Just the thought makes me want to weep. Maggots I'll miss you!:( Anyways for now, I'll just have fun wallowing in my misery with Just on the phone.
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5 comments:
So Bodge, what did you have for dinner? Somekinda panis leftovers? Kasi ang asim naman ng damdamin mo today! Ya know, everyone has those existentialist dilemmas and other demoralizing issues plaguing them--i, for one, have them every fuckin day! However, we shouldn't allow them to have power over us. Parang yung cine na "Wag the Dog," ika nga. Kung tayo yung tailend, so be it. Wagayway away nalang. At teka, andito ako!!! We should hang out more and you would feel better knowing that someone is just as succeptible to giving in to near despair... Interesting pa, because you know me--I'm almost manic depressive! Hence magiyakan tayo at maghalakhakan alllllllll the way!
Misya like crazy gurl!
Anskoy??!!! Istatue??? You're alive!!! Aww, grabe sobrang hindi ko ineexpect na ikaw ang sumagot nito pero, aww, sobrang thanks:) Alam mo ba na in 9 years, e ito ang pinakaseryosong sinabi mo sakin, and coveniently exactly when I need it. Miss na rin kita! I miss high school and our friends and nung panahon na nag-f-fx lang tayong dalawa paguwi galing sa gimmick. At oo, feeling ko ay ikaw ay isang manic depressive pero ok lang yun, you make everyone's life more interesting. Parang tie-dyed shirt amongst the gray white ones...parang yung Bench na bulaklakin sa brief amongst the white and black ones...
Just read your post. Was I the first to use the term "freespirit?" Hehe. Guess it's because you've always been sunshiney, often in a very selfless way. During the length of our friendship, ang ratio yata ng sad ka sa sad ako ay 1:50. Grabe, I owe you so much for keeping me sane. Wish I could've been more perceptive of your sadness, since you try to hide it so much.
Basta I'm always here for you alam mo yan. We can always hang out and talk things through. I might not give the right advice but I can always just stay and listen :)
Like what I said in my journal, ya, you're that friend who can barge into my house anytime. You're weird in that way, na despite my introvertedness and the emphasis I put on this thing called "personal space," you never seem to encroach, no matter how close you get. I guess even if we haven't been seeing each other that much anymore, you're still that friend with whom I can simply stay silent with, understand, as well as make me feel understood. And for someone like me that means a lot :)
Dalawang taon lang ako sa States Bodge! If ever you and Just decide to get married before I graduate I promise to go home just to see you!
I miss you lots!
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