October 19 Glorietta Bombing -- Code Red

Justin M and I just got back from a lunch out in Jollibee at around 1:30pm. We were the ER Pediatric interns for the day and all we expected to see for the remainder of the shift was a bunch of sipuning kids, the worst perhaps, being one case of benign febrile convulsions. Our table was situated right in front of the ER entrance, so you could just imagine my horror when I saw the first batch of morbidities coming in droves.

A man in a wheelchair was holding a blood-drenched towel to his left eye...a woman was carried by a stretcher, unconscious and covered with matted blood...a pregnant woman was holding on to a panicking 10 year old, not even aware of the lacerations dripping with blood all over her face. Literally, tumaas lahat ng balahibo sa katawan ko..."Oh my god, What happened?", I asked Just while clinging to his arm at the same time. "Oh shit, may sumabog daw na bomba sa Glorietta.", we heard from the background.

Without a splitsecond's thought, I texted my family and friends who were working in Makati then dove into the slowly growing crowd of casualties, scrubbing them with plain NSS-soaked sponges, combing their head for injuries, placing their broken arms in a sling, while at the same time trying to calm them down by saying everything will be ok...even if I wasn't feeling ok myself.

One woman became temporarily insane...repeatedly saying for the next couple of hours, "Whatever you do, please, I don't want to be separated from my children.....Was there a bomb?...How did I get here?"

The one sight I'd never forget was a young woman, clothes tattered...black bra exposed...skin gray and covered with sand...arms rigidly raised above her head...right leg shattered...I was screaming in my head, "God, she's dead...she's dead!" while one nurse hastily covered her body with a blanket and shoved her bed to one corner of the room to make way for the other victims.

People were texting me and calling me the whole time, asking me, kamusta jan? All I could do was text them what was happening and provide isolated accounts of the cases I actually handled. Well, you know how I really was during that time? I was in shock. I was frightened, appalled, digusted... I was so scared to look at the patients on the stretchers because I might see someone I know. I wanted to run out of the ER and head for home. I never saw so much blood, pain, grief and evil in my entire life. I couldn't believe any person alive would do such a thing. I wanted to cry because I just felt sorry for everyone in that room...and because I knew it could have been me, or my loved ones and I know I wouldn't be able to take it if any of them would be taken from me in such an ugly way.

Someone texted me that there was a bomb threat in Makati Medical Center. I also heard from the news that Glorietta 4 was on fire. Tomorrow I'm going on duty, not sure if I would be seeing red again. All I can do now is pray for peace in our world, and strength and courage for me, my friends and co-workers so we'd continue to do what we have vowed to do, the day we decided to be doctors.

Fatness:(

Why is everyone getting thin? I'd like to know. I went to our frat-soro inuman get-together last night, feeling very good about myself coz I was stuffed full of duck and spicy prawns from our Diabetes symposium in Good Earth. Just as I was starting to brag about how yummy it is to be working in MMC, someone just had to burst my bubble. Karl literally shrunk! I was like, God, now he really does look like he's 35:) And Jason. And Conrad. And Joke! What the hell??? May epidemic ba sa UERM? Shet. Humirit pa si Arbee, mukhang alagang-alaga tayo sa MMC a... Shut up, asshole. I know! I can feel my flabs performing an intricate waving motion when I walk. And my face is still as big as a plate. I need motivation but I don't really want to be motivated, like right now, now. I'd rather eat than look like Paris Hilton -- so everyone just shut up and let me enjoy my free conference food in peace!

Kitty 911 - 6/11/07

I had an emergency text from my sister Nikki today. "Ate, baka naman makatulong ka. Yung pusa kong si Snikki -- kilala mo na ba siya? Ayaw kumain at nagsusuka ng dilaw at puti. Anong gagawin ko?" Susmaryosep, if it was a person, I could have easy diagnosed it with something like Acute Gastroenteritis. Apparently, Snikki has an infection plus a fever at that. So she was forcefed with water and Paracetamol and now, umaasa si Nikki sakin to make halo water and sugar to make a D5W IV fluid. E san ko naman isasaksak yan?? Nasaan ba ang veins ng pusa?? Nampucha, I didn't graduate medschool to cure alley cats! I'm presently scouring the net for kitty advice. Help!

Wading Home

The one thing I love about living in Makati is I get to walk a lot. And I get to walk alone without feeling lonely because everything around you is just too busy so the kind of thoughts that creep inside your head merely stem from the eyecandy that you devour on the streets -- isaw (particularly those disgusting chicken heads), the exciting new GRO rock band that plays in this carinderia near the hospital (skimpy skirts and agua oxinada-dyed hair galore), the astounding number of convenient stores in one street and the huge population of call center people who to me are like modern day gypsies.

Tuesday was quite a unique experience though. I was from duty and determined to window shop in Glorietta despite the throbbing varicose veins and "manas" legs. After I've had my fill of new books that I can't buy, a yummy King Kong Fuzion shake and a nice, long chat with my good friend Alvin who's barely making it alive in East Avenue Hospital, I sauntered off to Landmark to buy an umbrella coz it started to rain. I picked an indigo-colored one which cost 60 bucks. For some strange reason, indigo is starting to be my favorite color. Somber. Sensitive. Subdued. I no longer felt like a fuchia. I've made a huge transition in many aspects of my life and I had to give up a lot of things...persons...person...who mean a lot to me. I've been in Makati Medical Center for a month now and still feel like an alien, or rather some lukewarmed creature. Well, boo-hoo for me coz there's no turning back.

Anyways, there I was, walking with my cheap umbrella, past the huge billboards in front of Rustan's repeatedly showcasing this model in retro attire, bedecked with these gorgeous hunks.I found it quite amusing coz I looked so gusgusin,literally a basang-sisiw with my Gray's anatomy outfit soaked through and through, and feeling giddy-silly and there she was, all dry and perfect, looking as if she wanted to be someplace else.

I took a bus and stared out in Ayala, realizing how yummy it is to think sad thoughts with giant raindrops pattering on the window. When my condo came into view, I made para, stepped out of the door and dove/sunk in an ankle-deep cocktail of murky water and leptospirosis. Shet I literally walked through baha! Hello, Makati kaya to,the melting pot of all things dirty and polluted! When I hung on to an island for dear life, there were these 2 guys pushing this bike with an odd looking side car (the kind that carries vegetables in the market, or maybe a couple of chickens or a very small pig), embellished with a white monobloc chair. Punyemas, wala nang poise-poise to! I paid them 20 bucks so they could take me across that Buendia swamp. It was a kodak moment, me sitting prettily with on the chair with my little umbrella. I looked like the Rani or Sheikah of Payatas. It was so crazy! Too bad nobody I knew was there to laugh at me. Hehehe.

Sad Song Trip

Everything (Lifehouse)

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

I 'd Rather be Someplace Else

Nakakabagot sa Psychiatry. Inuulcer pa rin ako sa sobrang pagkabato. Pero astig, kagabi lang ako nakakita ng schizo in action. May nakikita raw siyang dwende at 2 anino. Lagi raw tinutusok yung liver niya chaka binabali buto niya. Tapos lagi rin siyang hinihiritan at inuutusan.

Eg. Marco the intern: Kuya,nanood ka ba nung bagong laban ni Pacquiao? San yun ginawa?
Schizo the patient: Sa Araneta!
Marco: Very good!
Schizo the patient: Ay hindi, sabi nila sa Cuneta Astrodome. Pinagtawanan tuloy nila ako...

Nyaahaaay!

Nainggit ako for 10 seconds. Gusto ko rin sana makakita ng kakaiba. Hehe, kakabagot na kasi talaga e...

Status: From ER

I just woke up from a bad sleep. Bad meaning, the weather was too hot, and it was the shallow kind that only lasted 2 measly hours. I was not refreshed at all, considering I was dead tired from working at the emergency room. And it's so important for me to time my sleep properly because I don't have much time scheduled for rest. Normally it would be easier to just go into a grumpy mode and rant about how unfair life can be and all that. Internship takes so much of you -- it makes you want to scream out loud in frustration and fatigue or just simply give up because you're like a candle that's wasting away in the thick, dark dreary world of sickness and yes, death. And you feel that that small emanating light coming from you just doesn't make a difference. And then you'd doubt your destiny and realize that the world doesn't need you and you don't need this. Right now, it takes tremendous effort to stop feeling that way.

My friend Mij said that the only way to cope with this new way of life is to realize that it is now your normal way of life. My friend RJ calls it being "in the zone", yung hindi mo tinotoxic yung sarili mo when you're placed in an inherently toxic situation. And it's true. Ordinary to me now means dealing with a person who is caught between life and death. Or having to prick someone's arm 5 times to get to the right vein. Or getting bawled at by a husband who's wife is dying of cancer. Or having to touch someone's urine or feces or blood, not knowing what interesting organisms reside in them.Or getting the third degree from a doctor who thinks you're the stupidest animal alive. Or being denied the most basic of needs like weekends off, a bath, sleep or the chance to see how the outside world looks like during the day. I'm starting to feel like the adjustment phase is drawing to a close and in a matter of months, I'm so different from the person I was before -- more mature, more selfless, and ironically, happier than ever. It feels like some journey in which you're just excited about the flowers that you smell along the way and the destination that seems so far off is just some uninteresting little blur. God, I honestly love my life right now. I wouldn't have it any other way.